I can text with my tongue
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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