OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have already put on my inside pants.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
