As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Randomize
