He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
