I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
vagina is talking i cant
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
