And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
