i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
