I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Randomize
