So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
