There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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