i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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