Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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