it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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