when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
