Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Randomize
