he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
