i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
