He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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