Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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