saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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