In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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