you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
