I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
