My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
