i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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