I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
