8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
