Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
