This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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