The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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