did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
