dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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