i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
