Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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