So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
