I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
