Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
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I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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