someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
