I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
