Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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