I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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