By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
