dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
