Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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