I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
