Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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