So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
