at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize