when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
