I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
