Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Randomize
