who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
