remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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