You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
