So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
