one might say we're banned from that church
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
my shit smells like andre
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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