I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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