Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
