when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
