So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
