Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
