He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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