Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
