This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
