apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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