I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
