I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
