My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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