yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
