My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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