someone threw a dead crab at me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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