I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
