Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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