Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
