if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
