Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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