My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
