You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
