I just saw a hot homeless man
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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