I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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