I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
